The week before our baby was due, I was at home cleaning the house, stocking paper towels and toothpaste, washing sheets and taking inventory of the freezer. Apparently this behavior is called “nesting.” I did a lot of it the last few days of my pregnancy. While at home with our two dogs, the doorbell rings. The dogs go wild! Bark! Bark! Bark! Growl! Bark! It’s madness. Mail lady Nancy has some packages for us. I step outside the door, trying to contain the rabid beasts that used to be my sweet puppies. She congratulates me on the baby’s impending debut and hands off the delivery- ironically, it’s a baby gift.

As I close the door behind me inside the house, fear strikes my heart. What happens when the doorbell rings and the baby is sleeping? The dogs will surely wake him up! I told my husband that night he needs to turn off the doorbell. He laughed at me. He thought I was overexaggerating (and I kinda was). He wasn’t going to do anything to stop the doorbell from ringing.

I told my brother about the situation and he also laughed and then reminded me of the Simpsons episode where Marge buys a doorbell that plays “When birds suddenly appear” and it won’t stop ringing when she tries to cut the wire. I didn’t want that to happen either.

One day, my worst nightmare came true. The baby fell asleep, I quickly jumped in the shower and as I was drying off, mail lady Nancy decided she was going to stand at the door after ringing the bell. She was waiting for me to get my packages. The dogs went nuts. But she still stood there. By this time, the baby was screaming from all the noise that woke him up. I had to slip on my robe and run to the door dripping wet. “Do you need me to sign for something?” I yelled at her. “No,” she replied, oblivious to the havoc she caused. In my fury, I told her to not-so-kindly to NOT RING THE FREAKIN’ BELL if she didn’t need anything from me. She was taken aback and our relationship with mail lady Nancy hasn’t been the same since. My husband says there are two people in this world you don’t want to piss off: your IT guy and your postal worker. Well, I messed that one up.

I came up with the simplest of fixes: a post-it note taped above the doorbell asking visitors to refrain from pressing it. The note first said, “Please do not ring bell. Dogs bark and baby is asleep.” But I had to make an update after a woman soliciting her housecleaning services knocked on the door, making the dogs bark and the baby wake up. She pointed out the note did not say knocking was prohibited.